He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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