did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
