just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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