We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
