Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
