i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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