I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
