I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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