I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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