Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
