I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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