i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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