my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
