I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
