I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Green mimosas i think yes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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