I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
