trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
