How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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