What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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