Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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