k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
