Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
