You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
