i just had sex bonerless
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm both gender and math confused
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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