I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
