Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize