Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
