So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
