If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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