just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
