Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize