even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
