how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
