You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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