sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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