i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
