dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
