i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
