Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
