why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
