The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
