Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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