I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
