the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
