I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
