this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
