WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
