highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
