Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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