Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
