im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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