i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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