I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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