come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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