I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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