Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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