He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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