SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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