Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
