I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All the doctor said was why
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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