maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
