hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
