Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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