we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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