I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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