Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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